You came & Went Too Swiftly 

Fluttering from Love

for the tiniest time

leaving a gigantic void 

as if I had met you 

I loved you so  

you were only an idea

We desired so completely 

We waited on for years

Ever since

I loved you so deeply 

Clearly seeing you in my dreams

not truly knowing you

as if I had

From somewhere 

Somehow

As if I’d known you 

Loved you before

As if welcoming you back

Expecting you

To love you once more

Again 

Ever more …

But you came & went 

Too swiftly 

Breaking my heart 

As my body bled

My soul ached

My world trembled

and only I seemed to notice 

To have notice you 

To have loved you most 

To struggle to breathe

Through my tears 

Only I  

Seemed to have felt you lived

You came and went 

Too swiftly … 

It’s only been 1 year & 7 months

Now slowly 

Too slowly

I get on with things 

I find my breath again 

As slowly 

As my body recovers 

As my world wind settles 

I breathe 

And somehow 

In a miracle 

I carry on.  

~16072017

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~ IN THE HANDS OF GRACE~

I yearn to cry in this instant

Only to relieve my soul

From years & years of holding back

Afraid of tears

 

I want to cry

Naked today

Only to cleanse all of my skin

The piercing wound I’ve inflicted on myself this time

In the place where I took my first breath

 

I want to shed a peaceful tear

On a terrace of hopes & dreams

At the sight of luminous mountains

Without regret

Without censor

I want to Be

 

I want to ponder on the Truth

To say I’ve loved so faithfully

Beautifully

Without self glance
and lift it all in prayer
to God’s very hands

For blessing in His own way

 

I want to pray &  shed a tear

A word that says “I AM”

An unspoken voice that runs from ties

And a heart surviving

In magical Grace

For as many days as Heaven wishes…

That I Be. 

~ * ~

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©Anaid K.C.

27042015BOG

~Renewal~

~I cried one last tear
before I hit the ground
I pleaded for years 
but it wasn’t around
neglecting my fears
I now stand up and shout…
“This is me…and I count”
 
~I waited a year
giving all which I vowed 
I played on death’s ears
and survived it somehow
a hummingbird on my window
sang out loud …
“Won’t you smile, won’t you smile?”
 
~I sang to that song
though it had been a while
sweet melody embracing my aches
with pure smiles
a choir of angels appeared from all sides
Saying …
“from now on your illness subsides”
 
~I swam like a mermaid
in this ocean so true
I believe it is real
with my eyes closed I do
I sing to the world 
now it has come my turn
“I will live
&
I will dance too!”
 
Org. 27092009/Delray Beach, FL
©Anaid K.C.
 

~Without A Breath~

I am going to pretend to be happy

I am going to knit away a dream

I am going to cry only on the sad scene of a movie

Only in a song

Only when it resembles

How for you I could not breathe

I am going to play each song at random

I am going to come alive just only then

I am going to write the truth on music sheets

I am going to call each tear a fiction

I am going to express a novel already written

About others like you and me

I am going to tell myself it wasn’t real

How for you I could not breathe

I am going to watch the lights blast fully

Of all colors

Of all places

Of a song

Of a familiar voice

And I am going to know to forgive

That which was unknown

I am going to do it while I survive

I am going to do it hungry on the streets

I am going to do it without you

As I beg to strangers for kindness

As I test their Christianity

As I watch them fail miserably

As I stand being the most naïve of beings

With the virtues my grandmother imprinted in me.

I am going to climb over to another life to live

All while still within this flesh and bones

Dreaming

Sleeping

Freezing

Unbelieving

All still as I awake

As you become a faint image I can’t see

Only for my dreams

Of a life long gone in fairy-tales

Of a time I never knew I was a princess

The kind that’s well trapped

Without a breath

The kind that ended yesterday

And now has been born again to LIVE

To breathe.

 ©Anaid K.C.

~ WITH PINK NAILS ~

I’ll smile tomorrow as I did today

when the day began I painted my nails pink

evading the obvious.

My skin & bones speak for themselves

they yell that I am sick,

and when I choose to shut my ears,

deep pain erodes from my core. 

And I am reminded…

until I start to pretend again

and paint my toes. 

~ * ~

©Anaid K.C. 

~05092008~

~My Fortune in a Prayer of Gratitude~

*

I may not have it all down here at this place

where hearts are broken

spirits darken

dreams shatter

more often than not.

But when I go Home,

once it is all said and done,

I can lift my chin with humble pride

and say…

“Lord, I have cried, 
and I have not been a perfect being
but truly my heart was at the right place
attempting at each moment to put You first, 
as not to attack or damage myself,
or any others (Your children).
Yet, 
I failed time & time again,
I cried
I hurt deeply.
This world, 
our Earth,
it revolves on other things, 
ones I rebelled to focus on. 
It has been isolating being the “odd one”
often being “out” for being good. 
 
Still, no regrets.
 
I will smile
when I meet YOU and angels.
Thank You for not letting me forget . . .
You are always by my side
You carry me when I cry . . .
You’ll be there when I die . . . 
Until Eternity.”  
 
 

                                                                                                                                                                   ©Anaid K.C.
                                                                                                                                                                                 (org.04022008BRFL)

~Cherry Blossoms In My Dreams… to be remembered~

There are hardly 
if any 
beautiful things
as cherry blossoms in my dreams
a cascade of pink hues
softly & gracefully 
falling upon my  fingertips
 
On my lips 
are whispered tips
of battles won
ribbons freed
 
On my breasts 
are cuts that healed 
entirely & gracefully
leaving no trace at all
but returning
to the color of the trees
 
There are hardly 
if any
beautiful things
as the dream
of a returned life
becoming vivid
&
truly lived
held pink ribbons
loosely dropped
as I run in slow motion
toward the cherry blossom trees
 
I woke up from a long sleep
to step out
to a white covered creek
a snow covered trail
that led around a forest
where there stayed
my tip toe prints
till I stopped 
having had spotted
the sweet pink blossom
no one else in sight
 
Is this a dream?
 
I’ve pinched myself 
one stitch at a time
I have lost the scars to prove it
They’ve gone 
as has the tree shed off
its pinks
 
I’ve wanted to capture 
them so much
but the snow 
melts too quickly
each petal
breaks away too swiftly
and in awe 
I can’t but 
sing a song
to save in memory
a picture to dream
of the most beautiful  of things
to be remembered. 
 
~ * ~
                                                                                                                                                                                                        ©Anaid K.C.
                                                                                                                                                                                                         5122013
 
 
 
 
 
 

~God’s Beloved~

 
 How to even begin to mourn your absence?
How when it would be
As erroneous as
Mourning spilled milk a midst a storm
A cup that has overflowed
And a face of tears disguised in rain
 
How to even begin to count ONE loss?
When outside the doors are wide and reappearing
How?
When I’ve come across a golden gate
A heart full of wander
And a Soul blessed in His name
 
I AM God’s beloved spoiled one
Too thankful to cry
Much too in love with LIFE
To even know what lonely is
Too suppressed by struggle
To have the time to look for a fifth leg
Much too grateful
Much too awestruck
Much living a MIRACLE
 
I AM God’s beloved
Spoiled one
And all I have done
Was pray in the rain.    
 
~*~

                                                                                                                                                                                     ©Anaid K.C.

                                                                                                                                                                                      27122013