I’ll smile tomorrow as I did today
when the day began I painted my nails pink
evading the obvious.
My skin & bones speak for themselves
they yell that I am sick,
and when I choose to shut my ears,
deep pain erodes from my core.
And I am reminded…
until I start to pretend again
and paint my toes.
~ * ~
I cannot think of a better way to have spent my last years
If that is to be the case
I’d never felt as free … as alive
Being held strongly there in your arms
gently enough to dance with you
A multitude of fond memories I have accumulated with you
Even though at times I thought
if we were broken… “How could we be apart forever?”
We could not!
with the assumption that “forever” was a long time
I am seeing the world through different eyes
In my heart I am still me…
-the naive one-
who just once more believes whole heartedly in a miracle
One that will vanish away any illness present
as if it’d never been there at all.
And if…God’s will differs from mine
I will bow in total resignation & acceptance
somehow blessed I would honor my fate
for it is in my Lord’s hands.
Night after night of keeping awake
I wonder if this might be “it”
or the end?
I revise all I’ve known
nothing seems the same
Its all been colored differently
for the rest of time
or long days?
I’ve paused life
to simply await answers
attempting to prepare
for the best and the worst
I keep my anguish to myself
Out loud I say that I will be o.k.
I wonder what will result
if I’ll laugh or I will cry
Who will I run to in relief
or in despair?
Once I stop pretending I am o.k.
~ . ~