~ IN THE HANDS OF GRACE~

I yearn to cry in this instant

Only to relieve my soul

From years & years of holding back

Afraid of tears

 

I want to cry

Naked today

Only to cleanse all of my skin

The piercing wound I’ve inflicted on myself this time

In the place where I took my first breath

 

I want to shed a peaceful tear

On a terrace of hopes & dreams

At the sight of luminous mountains

Without regret

Without censor

I want to Be

 

I want to ponder on the Truth

To say I’ve loved so faithfully

Beautifully

Without self glance
and lift it all in prayer
to God’s very hands

For blessing in His own way

 

I want to pray &  shed a tear

A word that says “I AM”

An unspoken voice that runs from ties

And a heart surviving

In magical Grace

For as many days as Heaven wishes…

That I Be. 

~ * ~

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©Anaid K.C.

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~Without A Breath~

I am going to pretend to be happy

I am going to knit away a dream

I am going to cry only on the sad scene of a movie

Only in a song

Only when it resembles

How for you I could not breathe

I am going to play each song at random

I am going to come alive just only then

I am going to write the truth on music sheets

I am going to call each tear a fiction

I am going to express a novel already written

About others like you and me

I am going to tell myself it wasn’t real

How for you I could not breathe

I am going to watch the lights blast fully

Of all colors

Of all places

Of a song

Of a familiar voice

And I am going to know to forgive

That which was unknown

I am going to do it while I survive

I am going to do it hungry on the streets

I am going to do it without you

As I beg to strangers for kindness

As I test their Christianity

As I watch them fail miserably

As I stand being the most naïve of beings

With the virtues my grandmother imprinted in me.

I am going to climb over to another life to live

All while still within this flesh and bones

Dreaming

Sleeping

Freezing

Unbelieving

All still as I awake

As you become a faint image I can’t see

Only for my dreams

Of a life long gone in fairy-tales

Of a time I never knew I was a princess

The kind that’s well trapped

Without a breath

The kind that ended yesterday

And now has been born again to LIVE

To breathe.

 ©Anaid K.C.

~ I Could Be ~

If you’d be braver
how to live?
If you’d be coward-less and manly
I could be the girl
I could cry
then perhaps my heart would not break literally
but of love-ache. . .
I could be the girl.

If you’d be braver
how to die?
If you’ve convinced me otherwise at last
that I could live
I am alive
now perhaps I am another all the same
but of life without you. . .
I could be BRAVE.

~ * ~

©Anaid K.C.

312014

~ If Forever Only Lasts Till Yesterday ~

I cannot think of a better way to have spent my last years

If that is to be the case

I’d never felt as free … as alive

Being held strongly there in your arms

gently enough to dance with you

A multitude of fond memories I have accumulated with you

Even though at times I thought

if we were broken… “How could we be apart forever?”

We could not!

I…

with the assumption that “forever” was a long time

Now…

I am seeing the world through different eyes

In my heart I am still me…

-the naive one-

who just once more believes whole heartedly in a miracle

One that will vanish away any illness present

as if it’d never been there at all.

And if…God’s will differs from mine

I will bow in total resignation & acceptance

somehow blessed I would honor my fate

for it is in my Lord’s hands.

 ©Anaid K.C.

(~03292008BCFL)

~My Husband~

He is a beautiful person to me

not perfect

nor am I

nor is any other

Yet

I am captivated by his heart

which is GRAND & REAL

more so than most beings I’ve known

His voice is heroic

&

 it carries the honor

of great victories

&

of profound pain.

He is a survivor

(~03242008)

©Anaid K.C.