You came & Went Too Swiftly 

Fluttering from Love

for the tiniest time

leaving a gigantic void 

as if I had met you 

I loved you so  

you were only an idea

We desired so completely 

We waited on for years

Ever since

I loved you so deeply 

Clearly seeing you in my dreams

not truly knowing you

as if I had

From somewhere 

Somehow

As if I’d known you 

Loved you before

As if welcoming you back

Expecting you

To love you once more

Again 

Ever more …

But you came & went 

Too swiftly 

Breaking my heart 

As my body bled

My soul ached

My world trembled

and only I seemed to notice 

To have notice you 

To have loved you most 

To struggle to breathe

Through my tears 

Only I  

Seemed to have felt you lived

You came and went 

Too swiftly … 

It’s only been 1 year & 7 months

Now slowly 

Too slowly

I get on with things 

I find my breath again 

As slowly 

As my body recovers 

As my world wind settles 

I breathe 

And somehow 

In a miracle 

I carry on.  

~16072017

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~ IN THE HANDS OF GRACE~

I yearn to cry in this instant

Only to relieve my soul

From years & years of holding back

Afraid of tears

 

I want to cry

Naked today

Only to cleanse all of my skin

The piercing wound I’ve inflicted on myself this time

In the place where I took my first breath

 

I want to shed a peaceful tear

On a terrace of hopes & dreams

At the sight of luminous mountains

Without regret

Without censor

I want to Be

 

I want to ponder on the Truth

To say I’ve loved so faithfully

Beautifully

Without self glance
and lift it all in prayer
to God’s very hands

For blessing in His own way

 

I want to pray &  shed a tear

A word that says “I AM”

An unspoken voice that runs from ties

And a heart surviving

In magical Grace

For as many days as Heaven wishes…

That I Be. 

~ * ~

 IMG_4110

©Anaid K.C.

27042015BOG

~Renewal~

~I cried one last tear
before I hit the ground
I pleaded for years 
but it wasn’t around
neglecting my fears
I now stand up and shout…
“This is me…and I count”
 
~I waited a year
giving all which I vowed 
I played on death’s ears
and survived it somehow
a hummingbird on my window
sang out loud …
“Won’t you smile, won’t you smile?”
 
~I sang to that song
though it had been a while
sweet melody embracing my aches
with pure smiles
a choir of angels appeared from all sides
Saying …
“from now on your illness subsides”
 
~I swam like a mermaid
in this ocean so true
I believe it is real
with my eyes closed I do
I sing to the world 
now it has come my turn
“I will live
&
I will dance too!”
 
Org. 27092009/Delray Beach, FL
©Anaid K.C.
 

~Without A Breath~

I am going to pretend to be happy

I am going to knit away a dream

I am going to cry only on the sad scene of a movie

Only in a song

Only when it resembles

How for you I could not breathe

I am going to play each song at random

I am going to come alive just only then

I am going to write the truth on music sheets

I am going to call each tear a fiction

I am going to express a novel already written

About others like you and me

I am going to tell myself it wasn’t real

How for you I could not breathe

I am going to watch the lights blast fully

Of all colors

Of all places

Of a song

Of a familiar voice

And I am going to know to forgive

That which was unknown

I am going to do it while I survive

I am going to do it hungry on the streets

I am going to do it without you

As I beg to strangers for kindness

As I test their Christianity

As I watch them fail miserably

As I stand being the most naïve of beings

With the virtues my grandmother imprinted in me.

I am going to climb over to another life to live

All while still within this flesh and bones

Dreaming

Sleeping

Freezing

Unbelieving

All still as I awake

As you become a faint image I can’t see

Only for my dreams

Of a life long gone in fairy-tales

Of a time I never knew I was a princess

The kind that’s well trapped

Without a breath

The kind that ended yesterday

And now has been born again to LIVE

To breathe.

 ©Anaid K.C.

~ WITH PINK NAILS ~

I’ll smile tomorrow as I did today

when the day began I painted my nails pink

evading the obvious.

My skin & bones speak for themselves

they yell that I am sick,

and when I choose to shut my ears,

deep pain erodes from my core. 

And I am reminded…

until I start to pretend again

and paint my toes. 

~ * ~

©Anaid K.C. 

~05092008~

~My Fortune in a Prayer of Gratitude~

*

I may not have it all down here at this place

where hearts are broken

spirits darken

dreams shatter

more often than not.

But when I go Home,

once it is all said and done,

I can lift my chin with humble pride

and say…

“Lord, I have cried, 
and I have not been a perfect being
but truly my heart was at the right place
attempting at each moment to put You first, 
as not to attack or damage myself,
or any others (Your children).
Yet, 
I failed time & time again,
I cried
I hurt deeply.
This world, 
our Earth,
it revolves on other things, 
ones I rebelled to focus on. 
It has been isolating being the “odd one”
often being “out” for being good. 
 
Still, no regrets.
 
I will smile
when I meet YOU and angels.
Thank You for not letting me forget . . .
You are always by my side
You carry me when I cry . . .
You’ll be there when I die . . . 
Until Eternity.”  
 
 

                                                                                                                                                                   ©Anaid K.C.
                                                                                                                                                                                 (org.04022008BRFL)

~It Is The Way We Are~

I am not the kind of girl with a stubborn heart

I am not the kind of girl who has to wonder

I am the kind that slows down to the rhythm of nature

As gently as to hear what it whispers clearly

And it says my heart is wise

And it says my heart knows

And it says my heart only sickens when all is out of order

All which has a natural way

Only when man controls THE WAY

Only then is health and purity threatened

Only then does toxicity aim against Earth itself

And it says it is then we ALL die

It is how we as a world scarce

It is then how as a nation we fail

It is every man and every woman lying about their heart

Pretending and detouring

Controlling THE WAY & THE TRUTH

DENYING that which IS

It is every child we suppress of beauty

It is every animal we reject

IT IS US

Not living in the flow

Not remembering our essence

Dishonoring LIFE

The WAY & the TRUTH

AND OURSELVES

It is my Heart

It is yours

And their disunion

You & I

And not the things of the world.

 ©Anaid K.C.

 

~Cherry Blossoms In My Dreams… to be remembered~

There are hardly 
if any 
beautiful things
as cherry blossoms in my dreams
a cascade of pink hues
softly & gracefully 
falling upon my  fingertips
 
On my lips 
are whispered tips
of battles won
ribbons freed
 
On my breasts 
are cuts that healed 
entirely & gracefully
leaving no trace at all
but returning
to the color of the trees
 
There are hardly 
if any
beautiful things
as the dream
of a returned life
becoming vivid
&
truly lived
held pink ribbons
loosely dropped
as I run in slow motion
toward the cherry blossom trees
 
I woke up from a long sleep
to step out
to a white covered creek
a snow covered trail
that led around a forest
where there stayed
my tip toe prints
till I stopped 
having had spotted
the sweet pink blossom
no one else in sight
 
Is this a dream?
 
I’ve pinched myself 
one stitch at a time
I have lost the scars to prove it
They’ve gone 
as has the tree shed off
its pinks
 
I’ve wanted to capture 
them so much
but the snow 
melts too quickly
each petal
breaks away too swiftly
and in awe 
I can’t but 
sing a song
to save in memory
a picture to dream
of the most beautiful  of things
to be remembered. 
 
~ * ~
                                                                                                                                                                                                        ©Anaid K.C.
                                                                                                                                                                                                         5122013
 
 
 
 
 
 

~God’s Beloved~

 
 How to even begin to mourn your absence?
How when it would be
As erroneous as
Mourning spilled milk a midst a storm
A cup that has overflowed
And a face of tears disguised in rain
 
How to even begin to count ONE loss?
When outside the doors are wide and reappearing
How?
When I’ve come across a golden gate
A heart full of wander
And a Soul blessed in His name
 
I AM God’s beloved spoiled one
Too thankful to cry
Much too in love with LIFE
To even know what lonely is
Too suppressed by struggle
To have the time to look for a fifth leg
Much too grateful
Much too awestruck
Much living a MIRACLE
 
I AM God’s beloved
Spoiled one
And all I have done
Was pray in the rain.    
 
~*~

                                                                                                                                                                                     ©Anaid K.C.

                                                                                                                                                                                      27122013

~ I Could Be ~

If you’d be braver
how to live?
If you’d be coward-less and manly
I could be the girl
I could cry
then perhaps my heart would not break literally
but of love-ache. . .
I could be the girl.

If you’d be braver
how to die?
If you’ve convinced me otherwise at last
that I could live
I am alive
now perhaps I am another all the same
but of life without you. . .
I could be BRAVE.

~ * ~

©Anaid K.C.

312014

~ If Forever Only Lasts Till Yesterday ~

I cannot think of a better way to have spent my last years

If that is to be the case

I’d never felt as free … as alive

Being held strongly there in your arms

gently enough to dance with you

A multitude of fond memories I have accumulated with you

Even though at times I thought

if we were broken… “How could we be apart forever?”

We could not!

I…

with the assumption that “forever” was a long time

Now…

I am seeing the world through different eyes

In my heart I am still me…

-the naive one-

who just once more believes whole heartedly in a miracle

One that will vanish away any illness present

as if it’d never been there at all.

And if…God’s will differs from mine

I will bow in total resignation & acceptance

somehow blessed I would honor my fate

for it is in my Lord’s hands.

 ©Anaid K.C.

(~03292008BCFL)

~My Lies~

Night after night of keeping awake

I wonder if this might be “it”

the beginning?

or the end?

I revise all I’ve known

nothing seems the same 

Its all been colored differently

for the rest of time

Short time? 

or long days? 

I’ve paused life

to simply await answers

attempting to prepare

for the best and the worst 

I keep my anguish to myself

Out loud I say that I will be o.k.

I lie 

I wonder what will result 

if I’ll laugh or I will cry 

Who will I run to in relief

or in despair? 

Once I stop pretending I am o.k. 

~ . ~

(~03282008BCFL)

©Anaid K.C. 

~My Number One Star~

What else could there ever be…  My number One

Not all the water of the ocean could ever survive

Not without our Love’s birth

Not without our walks on the shore

Not without your kiss by the moon over the sea

Not without the way we’d greet the dawn & the Light

Not without you & me

Dolphins swam on the horizon

Of a new day for you & I

As one more kiss of a million we would daily be

As the whole Universe in an order just too intertwined

Became for us to see

What else could there ever be?

Or ever has been… My number One

Not all the ocean

Not the seven seas

Could say you were not my star…

My number One

(11132013CSFL)

©Anaid K.C.

~My Husband~

He is a beautiful person to me

not perfect

nor am I

nor is any other

Yet

I am captivated by his heart

which is GRAND & REAL

more so than most beings I’ve known

His voice is heroic

&

 it carries the honor

of great victories

&

of profound pain.

He is a survivor

(~03242008)

©Anaid K.C.

~Lion’s Heart~

He roars

yet is sweet

He hunts 

and he sleeps

He is King 

gallant & tall

He is my Love

He is my ALL.

He has traveled far

in the wild

somehow

finding my smile.

Through rocks, rain & sun

we’ve held on to our song

‘Cause I know… 

when there’s thunder

I can settle his storm 

with ALL of MY LOVE…

HE IS MY HUSBAND. 

(R.I.P My Love)

~ ♥ ~ 

©Anaid K.C.

(~04292008BCFL)

~Love Is Where Your Heart Is Well~

~Sooner or later

one comes to a place…

a moment

in which one as an individual…

or as a woman,

just KNOWS

that one must go on.

Leaving behind

that which does not fit

letting go of all

which makes one’s stomach ill,

growing abroad

farther than one’s birth place,

farther than

one’s imagination could have thought.

Because the Heart is lead by Spirit

and in letting God…

one must let go and BE.

Be whole without decay

Be full without struggle

Be open without concern

BE SAFE!

No worries to make the heart so toxic

it marks your face for all time,

no strains to make your hair frail off and gray,

just safe

in the Peace of Silence and Being.

Sooner rather than later

the day comes

when you have to choose

the child you have brought into the Earth

the pet you adopted FOR LIFE

and last but not least

YOURSELF!!!!!

Then later

one day…

or one night

far far from then

you will have KNOWN

that in no other way

could you have BEEN.

That all which you salvaged

has saved YOU…

your very LIFE!!

 That day you will certify…

make official

the KNOWING that is THE HEART

for ALL time.

That day…

sooner rather than later

you will have TRUSTED YOURSELF.

That day…

sooner rather than later

you will have learned that…

LOVE is where YOUR heart is WELL.

~.~

©Anaid K.C.

(~11102013MFL)

~HOMELESS WITH THE TREATS OF FATE~

Tears join me

for a new dance

the joyful one

the one which envelops me

with Peace I’ve never known

not before

’till NOW.

I sing & I dance

not knowing “how”

the melody of Truth

has found me homeless

It has sheltered me

with Love I’ve never known

not before

’till NOW.

I fall back on a cloud

that evaporates all yesterdays

I open my eyes

to step forward somehow

unknowing I feel at ease

with the Stillness & the Silence

I have always known

within ME…

Could I BE HOME?

©Anaid K.C.

~THREE OUT OF THREE ~

 

When I was growing up…

I THOUGHT that PEACE meant not rocking the boat …

I THOUGHT that SUCCESS meant staying grounded …

I THOUGHT that LOVE meant to sacrifice the self …

NOW…

I KNOW that I choose my surroundings

I KNOW that richness is in change

I KNOW that home is where the heart is

TODAY…

I FEEL harmony in my space

I FEEL abundant in my ways

I FEEL I AM LOVE

I am as whole as ONE.

©Anaid K.C.

~Hope… Love… & You

The human experience

as an empath woman

drowning

suffocating

eternally rewarding

if survived

through

HOPE

alone…

The human experience

as a creator woman

nurturing

selflessly

always appreciated

if woven

through

LOVE

alone…

The human experience

as a woman alone

unfolding

discovered

truly lingers

if conquered

through

YOU

alone…

If only you will let it.

©Anaid K.C.

~UNITED~

TODAY …

I LOOKED IN YOUR EYES

AND I SAW MY OWN SOUL

I FELT WHAT I’VE KNOWN

FOR SO VERY LONG

IT WAS JUST AS I HEARD

YESTERDAY IN A SONG

NOW …

WITHIN ME IS THE SUN

AND THIS IS OUR DAY

TOGETHER WE RISE

AS ONE SINGLE DAY

OUR HEAVENLY FATHER & MOTHER

REJOICE AS WE PRAY

TOGETHER AS ONE

UNITED IN LOVE AND IN LIGHT

CREATING A BETTER EARTH

SO VERY PEACEFUL AND BRIGHT!

©Anaid K.C.

(~10102010MD)

~Violet Rain~

 

There is something inside me
That won’t let me cease the way ahead
To a world so exciting
That will carry me to a brighter day
Though the voices of darkness
Cloud my space with their webs
I won’t fade in their cloudy stormy ways
For the gray gloomy words they speak my way
Fall right pass me as rain that clears its self away
So no evil can harm me
It’s bounced quickly back to where it came
And my heart keeps on dancing
Through the storms I am well
My soul dwells in this bright beam
Of the 7th violet healing rain
That remains ever-present
In my dreams or when I wake
It’s the color inside me
That comes through my voice when I speak
And the calmness about me that others so seek
It’s what soothes those around me
Why babies sleep in my embrace
It’s the warm gentle touch that caresses each day
Violet rain that embodies all that’s greater than I
Lets the world meet my goddess
When they look in my eyes
Fairy dust in my veins
That won’t let me astray
Deepest treasure so violet
Lives in me for always.

©Anaid K.C.